Sunday, April 24, 2005

The Ghosts That Haunt Me...

First and foremost, I'm drunk right now.

I was at my favorite bar tonight with my best friends. I was expecting a drunken night of laughing and fun. Little did I know that a ghost from my past would turn up.

A girl I cared for a long long time ago appeared at my bar. It was someone, at the time, that I truly expected to marry some day. She had no interest in me that way so we kind of led a false friendship for many years. It was always really messed up and I never knew what to expect or how to feel about the whole situation. It came down one day to me telling her that I wanted something from her and her not willing to accept that. So I told her that I would call her when I needed her and she wasn't to call me anymore. It was far less then our relationship deserved, but enough was enough and I couldn't handle it anymore.

Seeing her brought back all those memories and feelings. As much as I try to kid myself into thinking that I'm some kind of super person the fact is that I wasn't mature enough to handle that she didn't want me the way I wanted her still bothers me. Sometime life is truly messed up and I don't know what to do with myself.

On a good note, I called my long time chat friend Jules for the first time and we had a good long conversation. It's always weird talking to someone from the net for the first time. Sometimes it goes well and sometimes you don't know what to do. Jules and I seemed to have a good conversation. It was nice and I hope it solidified our friendship, but as my favorite saying goes, time will tell.

I don't have much else to say. I hope everyone that reads this is doing well.




Anonymous said...

It just solidifies that you are truly a Canadian as much as you like to pretend otherwise.

Anonymous said...

All I have to say is "her loss"(the girl from your past). There is someone out there for you and she will be lucky to have you. You'll see.