Monday, October 03, 2005

Getting Kicked When I'm Down...

So I need to get some stuff off my chest and I figure what better forum then my blog for it. If you've read lately or even for about the last 6 or 8 months, you know that I've been down. I've been depressed and miserable in every way since May.

I've had to deal with the slow dissolve of a long time "relationship", my mother being in the hospital for depression, a job that I don't like and that's getting worse, the fact that I'm almost 30 and not doing anything productive with my life and, within the last month, the discovery that my aunt and cousin have moved into my house.

Things are just bad and I'm not happy and I don't know what to do about it.

Last year my family doctor diagnosed me as having the same kind of depression issues my mother has. He prescribed me anti-depressants and sleeping pills. I didn't have the prescription filled. I don't know now if that was a good idea or not, but it was a decision I made and I stand by it. But a year has gone by and I don't feel any better. I still feel down, I'm still having sleeping issues and I don't have a lot of confidence in my will to want better things and go out and do it. My confidence is shot and I don't know how to make myself feel better. So I'm thinking it might be time to start with those pills. It's scary, but I think I have to do it.

I don't know though. It would mean a big change in my life. No more drinking just for starters. I just don't know what to do.

I have a lot to think about.

To any of my friends that read this(not that there's a lot), I'm sorry if I have hurt any feelings or said anything or done anything that has hurt you. You've been there for me despite not knowing everything that has gone on and I appreciate it more then you will know.




Anonymous said...

Hang in there Luthor, and get a good doctor who will explain the ups and downs of taking anti-depressants. I'm just in the middle of going off mine, but they do help. Don't drink! That's makes you feel way worse usually. Good luck and keep your chin up!

Anonymous said...

I don't know if you want my opinion but I'm giving it anyhow. Go out and make things better. Find a new job.You're a bright person (you know you should be doing something more challenging)DO IT!.You need to get out of the rut. Start a new relationship. Things always get better. Sometimes it doesn't seem like they will but they do.From me